The prospect of a Hillary Clinton candidacy affects me so deeply it makes my jaw hurt, it makes my eyes pop out, it makes me want to life down. This is because my jaw hurts from yawning, my eyes pop out because I’m straining to keep them open, and I have to lie down because I’m so bored. She is human Sominex, Melatonin in a pantsuit. Plus, she's meh on global warming. The only thing that could make me want to listen to her speak is if she were announcing she wasn’t going to run.
So, if you're a person who cares about global warming more than any other issue, who should you want? Bob Inglis
is high on my list; along with Ahnold
, he's the Republican who seems to care most about climate change. (His organization, republicEn
, is pushing a Carbon Kickback, a tax swap in which you pay to pollute carbon but pay less in income tax.) But Republicans are stuck in stupid on science; we’re lucky they’re able to admit that germs cause disease or that the color blue is caused by light waves 400 nanometers in length and not by “God’s paintbrush.”
Elizabeth Warren seems solid on climate change. And Ezra Klein over at Vox suggests
Al Gore should run. This seems like a decent idea, especially if you like your politicians the way you like your rides at Disneyland: animitronic. Gore won a presidential election popular vote, back in 2000, despite being made of high-grade industrial polymer. Wooden as he is, he's noisy on climate; Gore is a Semi-truck’s klaxon on this; every other Democrat is a Mae West whistle.
Gore’s strengths are huge: he talks intelligently about technology technology,
claimed to invented the net) he has a personal fortune
to plunder, Latinos
about climate change, he's friends with Pharrell and doing a climate change concert
with him, he has a Nobel Prize and an Oscar, and he's writing for Hunter S. Thompson's old magazine
about how there's hope for the climate. The future of the climate – and therefore us – is ugly
It’s a fight that could be as big as slavery – but global
Meanwhile, the leader of the Senate’s environment campaign is this much of a dingbat:
Al Gore is pretty – plastic or not.