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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR AZALEAS DONT DIE

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR AZALEAS DONT DIE

A Guest Post by @Bill_Nye_Tho

Author: Lucas Gardner/Monday, November 4, 2013/Categories: environment, humor

aye it's ya mans @Bill_Nye_Tho comin thru with a guest post real quick shout out to Riled Up Journal. Reilly Capps my man whattup. today i would like to discuss a topic thats very dear to my heart- makin sure azaleas don't die. last week my favorite plant Azalea Banks died because i flew out to Miami for a climate change conference and i forgot to hire somebody to water her. rest in peace Azalea Banks u was literally my best friend. i don't usually like to air my feelings out on the web or whatever. i really ain't wit that at all but i been bummin and i need to talk through some shit and i figure the only way to honor homegirl memory is to 1.) make sure y'all know how to be there for ya plants 2.) airbrush “R.I.P. AZALEA BANKS 2013-2013” on a white tee. anyway i already made the tee and it looks like shit idk how to airbrush b. so i'ma try to make this post real good so take notation. aight i'ma do a post

WATER YOUR SHIT BUT NOT TOO MUCH

aye u gotta water ya azaleas man. y'all already been knew i'm sure but y'all gotta be careful not to water too much aight cuz even plants can drown. first time i got an azalea i was a young'n and i ain't even kno plants can drown and i used to spray homeboy down with a hose for like hours at a time and it got fucked up. make sure ya compost is real damp but u gotta make sure the roots aint soaked too much either. put some water in the soil but make sure it drain properly aight. keep the soil wet but dont waterboard the shit b it's not that serious.

MAKE SURE YA AZALEA AINT TOO HOT


File:Rhododrendron hirsutum 280603.jpg plants get hot too just like humans so u gotta make sure your azaleas ain't gettin too hot. azaleas like a temperature of 50-60 degrees fahrenheit. that's their shit. NOT CELSIUS. dont keep your azaleas at 50 degrees Celsius it'll fuck em up. also make sure it aint too windy.

FEED LITTLE HOMIE

make sure little homie ain't hungry man use your brain. if your azaleas got flowers fallin off an shit they prolly hungry so you gotta get some good fertilizer like cottonseed meal or any acid-forming fertilizer. youre supposed to feed azaleas right after they bloom or whatever but honestly it dont matter that much man you can feed em pretty much whenever as long as you aint givin em the wrong shit. any commercial azalea food is aight.

B
RING YOUR AZALEA IN THE CRIB WHEN IT GET COLD


when fall come around you gotta bring your azaleas back in the crib b. do NOT leave your shit outside in the colder months or the frost will kill it and that shit is a shame. too many plants gettin bodied by frost. i'm not about it. keep your azaleas nice and warm in the fall and winter months by bringing em indoors. unless you aint got heat or whatever then it really dont matter cuz your house is basically the outdoors anyway. you know what... just dont grow azaleas if your own living situation ain't right or they prolly gonna die man its fucked up but it's true.

and yo that's about it. pretty much a good rule of thumb is if its good for you its good for your azaleas you feel me. you gotta be warm but not too warm. you gotta drink water but you cant drown yourself either. try to look at your azaleas like “yo i brought this shit into the world and i got responsibility now i can't be fuckin around its time to be a man.” take care of your plants b you a grown ass man.

aight i'm out good luck

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