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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

McConnell: A Leader in Population Changes

McConnell: A Leader in Population Changes

Author: Reilly Capps/Saturday, September 12, 2015/Categories: climate change, humor

Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell has an outsized influence on the world's population. When he acts on climate, tobacco and other issues, the people of the world are affected. Specifically, if he weren't active, the world's population might be much bigger.

On issue after issue, McConnell is death's busboy. He holds death's coat and shines death's shoes. He plays golf with death, and deliberately lets death win.

On climate -- which kills perhaps a quarter million people per year -- he's gone from passively promising to block American legislation to actively petitioning foreign governments to block their climate legislation.

On tobacco -- which kills perhpas six million people a year -- he works to ensure that Kentucky tobacco can make it to foreign markets. Clearly, when it comes to the balance of import-export on death, emphyzema, and talking-with-a-voicebox, McConnell favors a strong trade surplus.

On guns, the Iraq War, the death penalty, he has solid pro-death positions. The only place he once stood up to death -- on abortion, which ends the potential lives of hundreds of thousands per year -- he seems to have rolled over.

Has anyone checked his portfolio? Does he have stock in coffin companies? Is he secretly profiting off cadaveric organ transplants? Was death the best man at McConnell's wedding? What else explains all these pro-death positions?

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