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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

McCain on #ClimateChange: Let's Bomb It Out of Existence

McCain on #ClimateChange: Let's Bomb It Out of Existence

Author: Reilly Capps/Saturday, July 11, 2015/Categories: climate change, humor

[John McCain and John Kerry discuss bombing the climate into cooperating in a recent summit.]

By Reilly Capps 

In response to an apparent upswing in voter interest in Climate Change,  2008 GOP hopeful John McCain introduced his solution: bombing it out of existence. 

The Arizona Senator and Chairman of the Armed Services Committee said he believed that targeted airstrikes fired against the climate could induce it to stop "misbehaving," and cooperate with human needs for farming, water and sea levels.

"The climate is like a lot of apparently intractable things," McCain said vehemently from the Senate floor. "It uses force -- hurricanes and tornadoes. It will only respond to force. It's time America stopped pussyfooting around this issue and started sending sorties." 

Like most corporations and policy makers, the Pentagon has long concluded that climate change is likely to be a serious threat to the country's security. And McCain's approach to many problems, from ISIS to Iran to Iraq has advocated force.; it came as no surprise to his fellow legislators that he would favor a military approach.

"McCain has been a leader on a number of national security issues," said Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader. "I think stepping up our response to climate change with limited, target airstrikes against dying trees,  is a viable solution. I only hope the President doesn't waffle on this threat, too." 

President Obama, in a speech to the Coast Guard last month, reiterated the mainstream belief that a more unstable climate might lead to a more unstable world; yet Obama has advocated non-militaristic approaches such as curbing carbon emissions. McCain said such efforts were "halfhearted" and "doomed to fail." 

"If the glaciers are receding, then why do stand idly by without a single tomahawk missile directed at their flanks?" he asked during a news conference on the Senate steps. "Why can't we explode some shells near the beaches, and make the rising sea levels recede? How will the drought in California respond to a little carpet bombing? These tactics worked in Vietnam, they worked in Iraq, they are working against ISIS, they will work against Crimea and Ukraine and Somalia and poverty and the banking crisis in Greece and gay marriage." 

He then spotted several young men playing frisbee on the National Mall, and shouted at them over the microphone to "Get off my lawn." 
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