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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

@Bill_Nye_tho's Cool Ass Animal of the Week: Chameleons

@Bill_Nye_tho's Cool Ass Animal of the Week: Chameleons

Author: Lucas Gardner/Sunday, January 25, 2015/Categories: humor

what up world it's BNT it's been a minute i been semi-retired for a while i.e. im chillin for the most part but i might fuck around and write a 700 word article about an animal i like while waitin in line at botanical gardens which brings us here - i got a new Cool Ass Animal Of The Week and this one is fire. it's chameleons.


i kno y'all ready kno one thing about chameleons and it's that theyre on some SNEAK. think about this for a minute - for all u know there's a chameleon low key chillin on your wall RIGHTnow but as far as the biology behind how they colors change? u aint even know man lemme explain this to you sit down and lets conversate about CHROMATOPHORES.


aight so it's a bunch of layers of cells that got different pigments in em under the chameleon's skin called chromatophores right so some of the layers is got red or yellow pigment and some of em is got blue or white pigment etc etc so on and so forth. so when the pigment cells change the chameleon skin change as well you feel me? and then a message from the chameleon's brain causes the cells in the chromatophores to grow or shrink and consequently different pigments get mixed and different mixtures of pigment make different skin colors. so the chameleon can be like “aight it's a big ass snake over there whos finna eat me and i'm on a brown rock. i gotta get my skin on brown aight aight lemme just shrink this chromatophore and lemme just grow this chromatophore and shrink this one a little bit and BOW i'm brown now i can keep chillin.”


but chameleons is on some other shit too besides the camouflage that y'all don't even know about like OH lemme tell u about they eyesight. first off both they eyes can move independently from one another u feel me? like it can look at two shits at the same time so for example, say a predator is off in the distance wildin out, scopin out the chameleon like “watch yourself homie i might fuck around swallow u up whole real talk,” the chameleon can keep one eye watchin predator to make sure it dont try some shit and the other eye be lookin at some whole other shit. like the chameleon is watchin on his sides for danger with one eye but with the other eye he's maybe checkin out some lady chameleon that he's tryna fuck on. in addition the chameleon can move its eyes all the way the fuck around i.e. homeboys got 360-degree vision meaning it can even spot a predator comin from behind, like “i caught u slippin i seen you rollin up from behind and SURPRISE i just changed colors and i look like sticks now and you aint know where tf i went.”


real quick ima tell you about they tongues too. chameleons tongues can be up to 2 times the length of they bodies. this is what we (me) in the science community refer to ass “pussy-eating tongue.” lmao im playin its actually called a “ballistic tongue” and it can project at a speed of under 1/16h of a second. to give you a frame of reference, start a stopwatch and let it run for one second. now imagine a chameleons tongue flyin out at like... 1/16th of that time. the speed and length of the chameleons tongue makes it the perfect bodily tool for snatching insects out the air which luckily, insects is the chameleons main shit to eat man they love it. insects is mostly all chameleons eat so like... idk its cool that they tongues is so good for grabbin insects. i'm sorry man im gettin sentimental about it but its just cool, like its a perfect system. i dont know.


overall as far as cool animals go chameleons is up there man. truly one of the most interesting creatures on this beautiful earth. theres tons more to discover bout these creatures and how they bodies work and how they grind in general. i highly recommend doin more research on your own time. 5 mics.


aight thanks for readin y'all i gotta dip cuz neil degrasse tyson is textin me bout how he's never done nitrous before and he's sayin all this shit about how he doesnt wanna die with regrets so im gonna scoop him up and were finna wild out best regards.



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