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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

Nice Ocean. Be a Shame if Something Happened to It.

Nice Ocean. Be a Shame if Something Happened to It.

Author: Reilly Capps/Saturday, April 26, 2014/Categories: humor

Internal memorandum (NOT FOR LEAKING) 
From: Totally Legitimate Businessmen
To: Other Legitimate Businessmen Not Currently in Witness Protection, Those Rats
Re: Squids and other fish type animals

Many of you may not be aware, having busy lives as you do providing valuable services such as waste management, casino ownership, and thumb and kneecap protection services, that the giant squids of the ocean are dwindling and may go extinct. 

I realize this may not be of much concern vis-a-vis many of yous who don't deal much in squids, per se, not beyond enjoying calimari during happy hour at the Bada Bing lounge, calimari being squid. But this could be of grave concern to our legitimate business associates south of the border in Mexico and Colombia and those types of places.

As you no doubt know, a shipping container which was being sent from Peru to Mexico not long ago contained giant squid, and in this giant squid was stuffed 1,500 pounds of cocaine. This broke various laws and health codes and probably ruined the taste of several tons of giant calimari, although I am willing to bet that the overall enjoyment factor of these calimari dishes was improved a lot. 

It is not only squid which is going away. Tuna, crab, lobster, shellfish -- these types of fishes are not doing so well, on account of they are being caught and eaten too much. This is a tragedy for the oceans and the environment and whatnot. We need these fish for environmental reasons. That's right. The ENVIRONMENT. 

On an unrelated note that I am telling you about because it was an interesting news item, and I am passing it along as like a chain email type of deal, a couple of Polish businessmen tried to smuggle 17 kilos of cocaine into Britain inside tropical fish containers. They killed 16,000 tropical fish but did not rat on anyone, so they're ok in my book.

Also, in other interesting news that is unrelated to our businesses, drugs have been smuggled in frozen fish, shrimpsdried fish and tuna. Perhaps because fish smell a lot and so cover up the smell of cocaine. So I am told by other news articles in some publication I am unable to locate at this exact moment. 

Fish have many uses, beyond beloved associates sleeping with them. We should support whatever group is fighting to save the fish by giving them money, and they may, in turn, tell us where to find more fish.

How's your mother? Say hi to her for me. And tell your cousin thanks for taking care of that thing. 

"Fat" Sal Antoni 
Belmont, New Jersey

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