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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

Bill Nye's Creationism Debate, Extended, to Include Other Views

Author: Reilly Capps/Monday, February 10, 2014/Categories: humor

By Reilly Capps 

Our main man Bill Nye the Science Guy debated the main creationist uber-genius Ken Ham the other day, engaging him point by point on evolution. (Full video here.)

Several websites gave the debate to Nye; others said Ham won; others said that Nye won the debate but will be the eventual loser when his Serta mattress is replaced, after he dies, by a lava waterbed. 

But in the spirit of this debate, we have decided to fill in some of the gaps Nye and Ham left untouched when they debated the scientific view of the world vs. the Biblical view. We will now debate some others: 


Scientific view: The world came about when gas clouds swirling around a proto-star came together, through the force of gravity, to create a solid mass. This became the Earth. 

Alternate view: The world came about when Vishnu was sleeping on a serpent, who was floating on the water of the universe. Vishnu sprouted a lotus flower from his belly button, out of which emerged Brahma, who created the world from the lotus petals. 

Sci rebuttal: How does a snake float on the cosmic water? The buoyant properties of most snakes do not allow this. 

Alt rebuttal: It was a magic snake. 

Outcome of this argument: Tie. 

Here is an artist's conception of this view of the world: 


Scientific view: Stars form when matter collects and condenses until the temperatures and pressures at the core become so high that nuclear fusion occurs, resulting in the generation of energy that makes the stars shine. 

Alternative view: The Lady of the Skirt of Snakes, Coatlique, who was decorated with skulls, lacerated hands, and a necklace of human hearts, was impregnated by an obsidian knife and gave birth to the stars. 

Sci rebuttal: If her vagina was big enough to give birth to the stars, the obsidian knife that impregnated her must have been gigantic. No such knife has ever been observed. 

Alt rebuttal: Stars are pretty small. Just look at them: little points, like pins. 

Outcome: Tie. 

Here is the scientific view of the size of the stars. If correct, Coutlique's labor would have certainly required an epidural. 


Scientific view: Through the tendency of atoms to combine and form molecules, and molecules to combine to form more complex molecules, these combined and changed and organized for billions of years -- the universe is change, everything is always changing -- until eventually they became humans. 

Alternate view: The sky god Olorun lowered a chain down from the heavens, down which his son brought a handful of dirt, which he threw on the ancient waters. His son also brought a five-toed chicken and a palm nut. The chicken scratched and scattered the dirt until it formed dry Earth. 

Sci view: Chickens do not have five toes. 

Alt view: It was a magic chicken. 

Outcome: Tie. 


We hope this debate has been at least as edifying as the debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham. We will continue this debate at another time. In the meantime, given the importance of these debates, we hope that our government will pour more money into basic research, such as to the question of whether chickens can have five toes. 


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