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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

The Real Origin of Genius

Author: Reilly Capps/Sunday, October 13, 2013/Categories: humor

By Reilly Capps 

Sure, if you want to know about human genius, you can read biographies of scientists and marvel at the origin stories of some of our greatest theories. But that would involve reading, which is boring, and it wouldn't even be right. 

It would probably say that our greatest theories came about through diligence and assiduity. Here's the truth about how our most important and cherished discoveries came into being:

File:Heisenberg 10.jpg – Heisenberg's uncertainty principle: Werner could not figure out whether he wanted Chinese or Italian for dinner; realized he could go for Chinese just as strongly as he could go for Italian; wondered if the electrons might suffer a similar problem. 

– Schrödinger's cat: a childhood spent torturing animals taught him that there was a very thin line between a live cat and a dead one.

– Darwin's theory of evolution: in a bar fight in Chile he screamed at an attacker "Your mother was a monkey!" and the attacker yelled back "That's just your theory!" and Darwin took time to explain that, in science, a theory is actually a hypothesis with a strong probability of being true. He was labeled a "know-it-all" and the bar laughed at him. "The Descent of Man" was an 800-page comeback.   File:Charles Darwin 1880.jpg

– String theory: this theory postulates that the fundamental building blocks of all matter are tiny strings that exist in 11 dimensions and, by "vibrating" at different "frequencies" give rise to the different types of subatomic particles. This theory was the result of acid, acid, and more acid, plus a little more acid.

– The many worlds hypothesis: elaborate mathematical model built by the world's top physicists to provide a theoretical framework for for the File:Everythingbagel.jpg incomprehensible idea that in some DC comics Superman can create a whole new worlds out of nothing and in other DC comics Superman can't even beat up Bruce Wayne.

– The theory of everything: onion, salt, poppy seeds, garlic, caraway and sesame seeds, all on the same theory. 

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