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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

Billionaire Makes Bid to Become Mr Burns

Author: Reilly Capps/Thursday, August 22, 2013/Categories: environment

By Reilly Capps

The billionaire Harold Hamm, one of the richest men in the world, has launched his campaign to become a super-villain in the mold of Lex Luthor, Dr. No or Mr. Burns. 

In an interview with the National Journal, Hamm-Man essentially advocated knocking down windmills, poisoning wells, and doing away with unborn babies in third-world countries, all so he can get richer. 

Sound like an exaggeration?  

Here's some of what he said: 

The 67-year-old, worth $11 billion, calls himself and "'oil-o-crat,' instead of a Democrat or a Republican," meaning that he believes oil should rule, rather than the principles of a Democracy or a Republic. 

File:Harold Hamm 2012 Shankbone.JPG
[The dapper billionaire, who usually wears working-man clothes.]

To an Oil-o-Crat, whatever stands in the way of us pulling more oil out of the ground is an obstacle. That includes regulations on fracking as well as a few small, pesky things like human beings.

"Overpopulation—that probably hurts the environment more than anything. Are we going to provide rules to stop overpopulating areas in Africa? Middle Eastern countries? Probably should. China did. Stop overpopulating areas with people. Should we in the U.S.? Maybe we should think about that, if we're truly concerned about that. Overpopulation is probably the biggest concern for the environment. More people, more energy."

Clearly, we ought to "provide rules" to developing nations so there will be fewer humans in them. China's one-child policy has been a bountiful success, resulting in mass abortions, especially for unborn girls, which Hamm-Man probably charts happily on a toteboard he keeps in his lair. Overall, here's what Hamm-Man thinks of "people":

Rather than killing people, what about just building wind turbines? 

"I frankly don't like to see a wind turbine. Once they're there, they haunt you. That's your viewshed. That's what you look at. All those things standing out in the distance, we have them all over Oklahoma. And it doesn't look very good. I frankly don't like it."

File:Lamma wind turbine.jpg

When Hamm-Man sees wind turbines, he sees Mt. Mordor. When he looks at oil rigs, pipelines, diesel fumes and hurricanes, on the other hand, he sees hummingbirds singing a cheerful song of love and profits. 

But not too many profits! He's clear: 

"I'm not saying [big oil companies make] obscene profits, because they're not. Big companies have to make money to hire people and do all the things they have to do."

Profits of $30 billion dollars per quarter is not obscene. That barely pays the Irish immigrants who clean the stables of the horses they slaughter for meat to serve on their luxury spaceships. 

Overall, Hamm-Man isn't a big fan of any kind of environmental efforts, as seen in this video: 

We wish Hamm-Man all the best in his bid to rule a planet of oil set free from Mother Nature and all those pesky "people" and their silly little desires to "be alive." We look forward to the day when he adopts a cat, which he will pet menacingly, while ordering all the other cats at the shelter destroyed. 

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