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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

Super Powers are in the (Owl) Eye of the Beholder

Author: Guest Writer/Friday, January 18, 2013/Categories: Uncategorized

By Lucas Gardner

We as humans almost think of other species as having superpowers. In our inter-species jealousy, we might look at a bird and say, “I wish I could fly.” But we don't take the time to appreciate our own special little superpowers. We don't realize that maybe the bird is looking back at us and saying, “I wish I knew how to use LinkedIn,” or something like that.

[Cheetah. Jealous you know how to find dates on OKCupid.]

We might see a cheetah on TV and marvel at how fast it runs, and wish that we could run that fast. Meanwhile, the cheetah watches us on TV and he says, “I'd love to take a crack at driving a car.” We think it's amazing that an owl can spot a mouse from over a mile away, but we never look at ourselves and think how amazing it is that we have the ability to speak and that we have names! Owls can't do that, and being able to see mice from far away is a pretty shitty “power” anyway. Think about how often they must get frightened.

We shouldn't forget that as humans, we're all like superheroes of sorts. Maybe not like the ones we see in comics, like Superman, or one of those guys who are super stretchy, of which there are, like, four. Seriously, why are there so many superheroes who have the power to stretch super long? It's not even that cool of a power. Anyway. We can't forget how amazing we all are. The human species is already capable of so many more amazing feats than any other species, and among us, we all as individuals have our own special “powers.” Maybe you have an unparalleled skill for coding, or you can fix an HVAC system.

[This guy working on an HVAC system is basically Superman.]

Those aren’t the coolest superpowers, either, but neither are the superpowers of Hawkeye or Aquaman. They're the two worst superheroes, yes, but they get to hang out with cooler superheroes, like Iron-Man or Apache Chief.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this -- I am starting a superhero team and I need a guy who is good at archery and a guy who can breathe underwater for a long time. Please send video and resume to


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