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The natural world. Looking pretty for 3.5b years.

How Two Battlebots Found Love in a Hopeless Place

Author: Guest Writer/Wednesday, February 13, 2013/Categories: Uncategorized

By Lucas Gardner

When I was a kid, I was a huge fan of the show “Battlebots.” If you don't remember it, it was a show where people built tiny little remote-controlled robots, and made them fight each other. Here is a video for reference.

Like a lot of people who grew up nerdy and had an unhealthy attachment to television, I took to writing fan-fiction. So, I thought I would share with you a few of my favorite pieces of “Battlebots” fan-fiction that I have written

K-1000 vs. The Metal Devil

For a second it looked like K-1000 was gonna win (on account of the chainsaw) but then it turned out The Metal Devil had a laser! The Metal Devil won instead!

Glenn 1450 vs. Monsterbox

“John 1450? No robot with a name like that could ever win a robot battle.” That's what everyone said about poor old Glenn 1450. They were right. Monsterbox smashed him with a hammer.

Juliebot 10000 vs. Crush-o-tron 900

Juliebot 1000 and Crush-o-tron 900 met in the middle of the ring. The crowd was going nuts. They knew they were in for an absolutely BRUTAL robot battle. Whoever lost this battle would surely be left unrepairable, never to fight again.

The gentle gaze of Juliebot met the cold gaze of Crush-o-tron 900. “Don't you look at me like that,” said Crush-o-tron. “Don't look at me with those eyes.” “You know this isn't right,” replied Juliebot.

“We can't!” said Crush-o-tron. “Everyone expects us to fight. What happened in the past... Well, that's in the past.”

“We belong together,” spoke Juliebot in an impassioned whisper.

“Goddamn you, Juliebot. No.”

“Crush-o-tron, I'm... i'm pregnant. It's yours.”

“What? How could this happen.”

“2 months ago... at that party.”

“Oh my god. Juliebot.”

Juliebot and Crush-o-tron stared each other in the face for almost a full minute.

“I love you,” whispered Juliebot.

Crush-o-tron took Juliebot in his arms, and they kissed for what felt like years. “Let's get out of here,” he whispered into her earhole.

The crowd was very confused. Crush-o-tron and Juliebot got married the next day, and are raising their child in Barbados.

- One of the most accurate science reporters working today, thinker and critic Lucas Gardner tweets at @Lucas_Gardner.


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